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Flattered or Finessed? How to Vet a Matchmaker Before You Get Matched
When “Love at First DM” Feels Like a Setup
Spencer Coursen
November 07, 2025
“Matchmaking is big business, but so is manipulation. Here’s how to protect your heart and your data in the age of algorithmic attraction.” — Spencer Coursen
After a recent podcast episode where I shared that I’ve been working with a therapist who helps high-performing CEOs stop sabotaging their own love lives, my inbox suddenly turned into a lede machine for the matchmaking marketplace.
Dozens of messages arrived overnight. Each claiming to have “the perfect woman” for me.
It was equal parts flattering... and eerily suspicious.
One message read:
Now, everyone who’s ever worked overseas or in the military has been trained to spot honey-pot exploits.
And as someone who has spent years managing threat cases for clients, including a few “Tinder Swindler” situations, my skeptical mind naturally wonders if this kind of charm offensive might be a setup in disguise.
Was I being too cynical? Maybe.
But when your professional world revolves around risk, curiosity and caution often walk hand in hand.
Enter the Expert
Lucky for me, my good friend, Erica Arrechea, actually runs a successful matchmaking company called Cinqe.com and has built a reputation as one of the most credible names in the industry.
Naturally, I called her for advice.
Here’s what she shared:
“If you get a random DM or text, ask for the person’s full name, website, and social links so you can verify who they are.
Most legitimate matchmakers reach out because a paying client wants to meet you—and your date would actually be free.
Just ask for a photo and bio of who they have in mind before saying yes.”
She also recommended verifying credentials through the Matchmaking Institute, which maintains certification records and can confirm whether a matchmaker is legitimate.
Hiring a Matchmaker? Vet Them Like You Would a Vendor
Before hiring anyone who handles your personal information, Erica suggests:
Read reviews and vet all officers of the company.
Confirm certification with the Matchmaking Institute.
Check social media for a consistent, professional presence.
Ask who your lead matchmaker will be and research them directly.
Verify data security. How they store and protect your information.
She also offered a perfectly polite way to respond to any cold outreach:
“Hey, thank you for thinking of me.
Please send the name of your company, website, and your full name.
I’m not interested in paying a matchmaker, but you can think of me for your attractive female clients.
I date between the ages of X–Y and in the locations of A, B, and C.
Please send me a photo and bio of who you have in mind. Thank you.”
Live Smart. Stay Safe.
Whether it’s dating apps or defense contracts, due diligence is still the most attractive quality there is.
Five Protective Strategies You Can Employ Today:
Trust, but Verify.
Every legitimate business leaves a digital footprint. A lack of transparency is a red flag.Never Share Personal Data Prematurely.
Your birth date, address, and photos can all be used for social engineering.Confirm Credentials.
Use the Matchmaking Institute to confirm any certification or complaint history.Look for Aliases.
Some disreputable companies operate under multiple brand names to bury bad reviews.Stay Grounded in Intention.
Whether it’s love or business, your best defense is clarity about what you want and the discipline to not settle for less.
Disagree with anything? Hit reply—I always read your responses.
Live Smart. Stay Safe.
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