“When panic spreads faster than facts, remaining calm becomes a superpower.” — Spencer Coursen

The Sky Is Falling… Again

If you’ve felt a strange sense of cosmic unease lately, it’s not your imagination.

Comet 3I/ATLAS, the third interstellar object ever confirmed to visit our solar system, has become all the online rage for the conspiracy-curious. Some call it a frozen wanderer; others suspect it’s an alien reconnaissance probe disguised as a dirty snowball.

And while the scientists at NASA assure us there’s “nothing to fear,” we’ve all seen enough sci-fi movies to know that’s exactly what they’d say right before the tractor beam starts blowing up national monuments.

So, in the interest of humor, humility, and maybe a little healthy paranoia, here’s your official (and unofficial) guide to surviving an alien visit…

…or, at the very least, an eventful Wednesday in 2025.

Step 1: Fashion Your Tin-Foil Hat

Every survival plan starts with proper headwear. Not because it actually works (it doesn’t), but because it’s tradition… like shaking hands or tweeting hot takes during an emergency.

How to Fold a Tin-Foil Hat (For Entertainment Purposes… Mostly)

1. Select your foil wisely. Heavy-duty aluminum works best. Matte side out for deflection; shiny side in to protect the brainwaves you still use.

2. Size matters. Tear a sheet long enough to wrap around your head with a two-inch overlap. Genius requires room to breathe.

3. Shape and smooth. Mold the foil gently around your skull, keeping it smooth — wrinkles can amplify cosmic rays and make you look like a baked potato with Wi-Fi.

4. Crown and crimp. Fold the top into a dome, then pinch the seams at the back. Bonus points for symmetry.

5. Accessorize responsibly. Duct-tape chin strap optional. A small antenna is acceptable if irony is your love language.

And remember: only the supercilious assume they’re too sophisticated to need one.

Step 2: Confirm It’s Not Just Elon Again

Before you leap to alien conclusions, take a breath. Nine out of ten “UFOs” are just SpaceX satellites or your neighbor’s drone trying to film his cat on the roof.

Step 3: Stock Up Like a Sensible Conspiracist

Preparedness never goes out of style.

On-hand recommendations:

• 3 days of water per person

• Shelf-stable food

• Flashlight and spare batteries

• First-aid kit and prescription meds

• A small stash of cash (ATMs don’t survive EMPs)

• And one extra roll of foil (for your hat or leftovers, depending on how the night goes.)

Step 4: Verify Before You Terrify

Before you panic-post about “lights over Austin,” check credible sources: NASA, NOAA, or your neighbor with the telescope.
Avoid channels with names like CosmicTruthWarrior88.
If 3I/ATLAS turns out to be just a comet, celebrate your composure.
If it isn’t… well, you’ll be the calmest person in the panic.

Step 5: Know When the Joke Stops Being Funny

If power grids fail, networks crash, and armored vehicles start patrolling intersections, that’s your cue to shift gears.

Because while alien invasions make great movie plots, martial law is very real, very human, and very serious.

Bottom Line

Keep your humor honed, your supplies stocked, and your preparedness practical.
Because while the aliens might not be coming for us, the consequences of unpreparedness always are.

Live Smart. Stay Safe.
— Spencer Coursen

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